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The hot multicultural women's magazine, SISTERDIVAS, now has a blog component! Here at the SisterDivas Blog, we will offer more interviews, more articles, and more features for women. Please leave comments!




Good-bye Heartache and Drama
By Vanessa Clark, brande_chantell@yahoo.com
In the 70’s they had a saying, “A piece of man is better than no man.” I have a saying too, “If you have a piece of man, then you have no peace of mind.” I will take a peace of mind over a piece of man any day. One of my weaknesses is attractive men. My ex-husband is attractive; he has hazel eyes, brown skin, and he’s tall and slender. There’s a price you sometimes pay for an attractive brother; mine was high maintenance. I finally used the good sense that The Lord gave me and sent the brother packing. I can do bad all by myself.
January 4, 2006, my ex-husband divorced me because I had refused to allow him to come back home when he wanted to return. At first I was hurt and felt rejected. When my sanity returned, I stopped crying and realized the brother had actually done me a favor. I did not have to spend a dime for my divorce, and peace was restored to my home. Believe it or not, my ex-husband asked me to remarry him one week after our divorce. He told me that he had been a stupid fool to divorce me. I of course, being the person that I am, agreed with him. However, I was not about to be stupid and foolish enough to make the same mistake twice. Yes, I did say twice. What can I say? I thought I loved him, and I wanted to build a life with him. To my dismay, I had competition that I was no match for, crack cocaine.
Being married to an addict was my worst nightmare. I discovered that nightmares also occur in the daylight hours. I was on a neverending roller coaster ride. There were times when I was also on a merry go round; one day merry got up and left and I realized that all I was doing was going in circles; six years of dealing with him going in and out of rehab centers. It became a revolving door for him. He would return home from rehab and sometimes relapse on his first day home. I continued to tell him that he could not have me and the drugs; he had to choose one or the other. When he chose the drugs, I insisted that he leave after going through this more than a dozen times.
Common sense finally kicked in and I decided I was tired of being sick and tired. No more drama or heartaches. Life is a challenge, but you can pick your battles. Some battles are not for you to fight; they belong to The Lord.
His drug addiction was not my battle. As much as I wanted to help him, all I was doing was enabling him and being his crutch. Enough was enough; he took my kindness for weakness and thought that I would always be there no matter what he did to me. What I did not realize was I had allowed him to control and manipulate me into doing whatever he wanted.
March 7, 2003, his birthday, he went out and used drugs. When he came home, we got into an argument. The Lord told me to stop arguing and listen to him. He told me that he had the power to control me and could do it for as long as he lived if he chose to. Over the next three years, we lived together for a total of three months spread out over the three years. The turning point was in July 2005; he returned home for what would be the last time. He relapsed after being home five days. This was the last straw; I put a fork in the steak and called it done. I told him that I was tired of making up just to break up. He was totally on his own. If somewhere down the road, he became drug free, responsible, and working, then we could possibly start over. To make a long story short, he went into rehab in November 2005. Ninety days later he wanted to return home. I stuck to my decision and said, “No.” I was no longer listening to what he told me, but I was looking for evidence that he had changed. He decided that he did not have to prove anything to me and divorced me.
I’m eternally grateful to have moved on with my life, and I love the peace and quiet. I’m drama and heartache free thanks to my Lord and Savior who took me out of the madness.

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Start the New Year off Right in Your Relationship
by Toi Moore
In order to start the new year off right in your relationship, you have to learn how to take the other person's feelings into consideration. I believe that people should treat you the way they want to be treated, no matter who they are, your husband, mother, children, family members, or friends. If you allow someone to disrespect you, or treat you in ways you're unhappy with, they'll continue doing it, and you'll continue being unhappy and upset. So, speak your mind and eliminate stress, even if it means eliminating the person who's causing it.
Granted happily ever after doesn't always happen, even in a marriage, but life would sure be easier if it did. Sometimes we come home after having a bad day and take our pain or frustrations out on the person closest to us, which is normally your mate. Now ladies, oftentimes most of our bad days are due to those PMS days. But I've learned to give everyone around me fair warning that it is that "time of the month." By giving fair warning, I'm advising everyone to give me the needed space and let me have my day, or two, or three, to deal with my mood swings. Once you give fair warning, everyone is on their own. Ladies, try to stay to yourself during those moody periods to avoid any unnecessary blow ups you may regret.
If you feel that those mood swings have given you the permission to be a bitch, you've gotten it all wrong! Remember, you wouldn't want someone to treat you like a bitch, so don't dish out something you can't handle in return! Remember the ole saying; "It takes one to know one!" So, don't be one! When you feel that you can't be nice, or treat people with kindness and respect, then be the lady I know you can be and back away, while giving yourself the necessary space to get it together. However, if your PMS symptoms last more than a few days and become uncontrollable, you need some serious help. So, go see a doctor and get the help you need instead of being a bitch and giving a bad rap for other women who are just having a bad day! No one wants to put up with a bitch. Not even you!



THE WAITING GAME
Waiting is the worst part of trying to get published. Want an agent? Send them a letter, and be prepared to wait two months. Want to be published? Send them a submission, and then forget about it, because it’ll be a long time before you hear back.
I’m not bitter about this; I think it comes with the territory. There are thousands upon thousands upon thousands of writers out there trying to make it. The fact that you can be looked at by just about any agent or editor (assuming they are open to submissions) is pretty remarkable. They’ll give you a minute or two of their time and look over your query letter. If it’s good, they’ll ask to see more, and could potentially invest hours of their time to read your stuff. You’re not paying them for their time, either. These experienced professionals are looking at your stuff for free and telling you if they think it’s any good.
So as a writer, you better get used to waiting. Hopefully, you get lucky and it’s only weeks instead of months. Hopefully, in the end, you have a publishing contract, and the waiting part means you’re waiting to see your book on a shelf somewhere.
For me, I’m waiting on all sorts of things. One of them is the book proposal I mentioned in my last column. I found out that a publisher was looking for authors to write for a series that they created. This means that it is a ‘packaged’ deal. They decide what the pay is, and they retain all the rights. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants and Gossip Girls, both very popular Young Adult series, were both created this way.
I submitted a proposal for a series about high school girls who sign up for a semester abroad. I wrote three chapters plus a two thousand-word synopsis. My critique partner and I nitpicked it as much as possible, fixing even the tiniest things, and then I sent it off.
Less than two weeks later, I arrived at home to find a medium sized white package on my stoop. When I saw that the return address was the publisher, I freaked, trying to rip open the impenetrable material that is Tyvek. Eventually, I found a knife, slit the envelope open, and out dropped a book. It was the third book in the series about study abroad girls. With the book was a letter from the editor, and to my delight, it was a revision letter.
The editor told me that she’d “found a lot to like” and that my tone was “just right for the series.” Some of my plot points, outlined in the synopsis, felt a little negative, and she was worried that the young heroine didn’t learn as much about herself during the semester. She invited me to revise and resubmit, taking her concerns into account.
I’ve never been more ecstatic in my life. Actual compliments from an editor astounded me. I raced off, worked through the revisions for the next week, and then emailed them off again. And now, I wait. Thanks to the holidays, things are slow. It’s been about six weeks, but I’m hoping that I’ll hear back in the next two weeks or so.
On another note, thanks to this revision letter, I’ve been in contact with a really wonderful literary agent. Although nothing is official, I’m hopeful that we’ll end up working together. Our first phone call was a bit of a debacle- first I gave her the wrong phone number, then the power went out and my cordless died! Talk about a nightmare-come-true.
I talked with the agent about another project I’m working on, about a group of twenty-something singles, and their jet-set lifestyle. She liked the idea, so I’ve been pouring my time into writing it, hoping to distract myself from my previous proposal.
In any case, I should have plenty to report in my next column, so stay tuned. Will I get a yes or no on my proposal? Will I sign with this agent? And if I do, will she like my finished novel enough to pitch it to some publishers?